Several times Nathan spoke those words as he looked at the flowers friends had given for Susannah Joy.  I can’t describe the emotions raised in my heart each time I heard him say that poignant phrase.

Thursday evening’s visitation was very difficult for everyone. Nathan and Melanie had gone to much effort in the attempt to introduce those coming to Susannah Joy. It was beautiful and heart-wrenching.

There were two tables set up with special things from Susannah’s crib, photos, a poem about Susannah, and Scripture. In a separate room was a projector showing many of the photos from the hospital. Nathan and Melanie were in the chapel with Susannah and spoke with people as they passed through.

For two hours there was a steady stream of friends, neighbors, and Nathan’s clients. The outpouring of love and encouragement was overwhelming. The surprise of the evening was when five residents, who are part of our Families for Jesus assembly, came to offer their love. Four were in wheel chairs and one used a walker. They had a beautiful Bible in a decorative cedar box that they gave to Nathan and Melanie. Their coming and gift, were a special treasure. We were all quite drained as we drove home.

Nathan asked that the graveside service be limited to family. Even then, there were twenty five of us. There was a small tent set up which was needed because it was cloudy with periods of rain.
 
Nathan shared a number of things from his heart when he opened and closed the burial “service.” We sang “Trust and Obey” and “Trusting Jesus” together because those songs had been sung to Susannah in the hospital and helped sustain Nathan and Melanie during those hours. Joseph, Anna, Jesse, and John sang and played a song called Susannah’s Lullaby written and composed especially for her. Nathan asked several of Melanie and his brothers to read Scripture verses that had been very meaningful to Nathan and Melanie while Susannah was in the hospital. Melanie’s father and I briefly shared some thoughts that the Lord had placed on our hearts. Grandad closed our service in prayer. It was a beautiful time in the Lord Jesus.

In the midst of our grief, we will often speak truth to each other, “God is good.” The rain that fell, at times by the bucket-full, seemed to represent our tears and the unseen mercy and grace being poured out on all of us.

Your comments and prayers have been such a blessing and encouragement to us and Nathan and Melanie. Thank you.

In Christ Jesus,

Steve

Thank you to each and every one for your love, sympathy, and compassion. Melanie and I have been blessed over and over again as we’ve read your blog comments, the Scripture you left, the poems, the hymns . . . the Lord has used each word to comfort us. Our Father has surrounded us with His care expressed by not only Himself, but others as well. We are amazed at how many people have suffered losses similar to ours. Thank you for loving Susannah.

The Lord has granted strength for each step. Things I thought would be impossible I’ve been able to do. This is not my strength or wisdom but God’s graciousness.

Tomorrow evening is the public visitation. Please pray both for this, and the family graveside service on Friday. We desire for God to be glorified in all areas. This is so out of our realm and comfort zone, yet our heart’s desire is to trust and honor Him. We want people to meet our little Susannah. We desire that God would use her life and death for His purposes in hearts.

We’re preparing a photo slide-show of our precious days with Susannah that we’ll post in the next day or so. Many of you have loved her and will hopefully be blessed by seeing some more of her. We delight in the four days we had with our SusieQ.

Job 1:20-22 has been very significant to us. My pastor shared this with us, and we have been meditating on it since. My mom memorized it while holding Susannah her last night with us, she quoted it out loud many times and thought Susannah probably learned it before she did. Job, after being told of the loss of his children and possessions, got up from where he was, tore his rob, shaved his head, fell to the ground and worshiped. David, (2 Samuel 12:20) after being told of the death of his first son by Bathsheba, arose from where he was, washed, and went into the house of the Lord where he worshiped. Melanie and I are desiring a response to Susannah’s home going that involves heart-felt worship while prostrate before our Lord.

Melanie sang the first verse and chorus of Trusting Jesus to Susannah frequently. I will close with it.

Simply trusting ev’ry day,
Trusting thro’ a stormy way;
Even when my faith is small,
Trusting Jesus, that is all.

Refrain:
Trusting as the moments fly,
Trusting as the days go by;
Trusting Him whate’er befall,
Trusting Jesus, that is all.
(Edgar Page Stites)

Nathan

It is with broken, grieving hearts that we need to let you know that our Father’s plans for Susannah were much different than ours. Having spent the past three days loving and cherishing every moment with our little girl today we said a final goodbye as her life gently slipped from her.

God is faithful even in the hard times. I must say that I never had a desire to learn that. However, He who didn’t spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all also has a plan for Susannah, Melanie and my life.

Even though this has been far and away the most challenging, yet also sweetest, time of our lives God took our little Susannah from us in a most gentle way. My heart’s deep concern was that I would have to make some very difficult decisions regarding her care. I did not have to and am so grateful. The Lord had His hand on her little body and it was apparent the entire day that she was not long with us.

Please continue to pray for us as we make this difficult transition. In particular for Melanie as her body is still going through recovery.

Thank you to everyone for their love and support. Little Susannah had such an immeasurable prayer covering.

We love our little Susannah and thank you for doing the same.

Nathan

We’ve had a difficult talk with a neo-natalogist today. Our desire is to be fully yielded to the will of our Lord Jesus Christ. What that will entail we don’t know. Susannah has been given to the Lord. We’ve asked Him to use her as He sees fit. We thought we knew what that looked like. Now we’ve had placed directly before us the fact that our little one may never have fully been with us after birth. We believe life begins at conception and ends when the spirit leaves the body. Susannah’s spirit may have already left.

In total honesty, there is no measurable evidence of brain activity. At first this wasn’t a big deal but each hour that goes by increases the likelihood that it won’t start. I’ve asked the Dr what would cause him to reverse his diagnose and he said she would need to wake up and be able to follow movement with her eyes. Frankly this is about like asking her to climb out of her isolette.

We are praying for Gods direction. We are asking Him to take this difficult decision from us and if He chooses not to give us the grace to do what we need to.

We love you all and thank you for your prayers and support. I read a bunch of blog comments to Susannah last night. She’s even keeping up with what you are saying.

Nathan

Thank you’all for your faithful fervent prayers. I’ve been able to read all the blog comments as I can see them on my phone.

Being able to write another update is a privelege. It means we’ve had another part of a day with Susannah. Melanie and I cherish each moment we get with her. She is so precious. She hasn’t even smiled and our hearts are totally smitten.

Her blood pressure did better today. This is a huge answer to prayer. Since it would rise and fall it was hard to get excited about how it was doing. But I think there was some improvement. The drs felt like they were able to get her ivs stabilized so they weren’t having to constantly adjust what was being given and how much.

She is still totally listless and lacks even basic reflexes. Melanie and I would be so happy just to see a finger move or an eyelid flutter.

The hospital staff has been great. Melanie got to hold Susannah today. This NICU team is committed to babies being held. This is one reason we selected this hospital.  Took three nurses to get her out of the incubator and over to her mother. There have been a lot of tears shed of late and there were quite a few more shed when that precious little girl was set on Melanie.

We have fully given little Susannah to our Lord and are looking to Him for our strength and courage.

Nathan

Susannah Joy made it past the twenty four hour mark. She is still in very critical condition and unresponsive. She needs for her blood pressure to stabilize. There are other concerns the doctors have, but if the blood pressure isn’t where it needs to be, the other issues don’t matter. We are grateful for all the prayer support and encouragement. We serve a God Who works miracles for those who trust Him. We are seeking to fully trust and look to Him.

Nathan

It’s late but I wanted to post a short update. We were all able to see Susannah Joy this evening, so precious, still, and helpless. Nathan, and Melanie are doing quite well considering. It was a very bitter-sweet evening. Thank you so much for praying. God is so good, always good.

In going through this my heart goes out to the families who have gone through something similar, but were alone, without the Lord Jesus and local support. Without family and friends is one thing, but without the Lord Jesus is unimaginable. We are grateful for you prayers. Bless you.

In Christ Jesus,

Steve

Susannah Joy was born March 21 at 4:10 am. She weighed 5 lbs 2 oz.

Susannah was born not breathing and is having major complications. Much effort is being put into her care, but it is unknown if she will pull through. We would covet your prayers for Susannah and Melanie and I.

Nathan
(by Steve)

The project continues. Last week the weather was very conducive to working outside and we accomplished what we needed to. All of the children were eager to help and it was delightful working with them. It was our first experience with under-floor rough in plumbing and we found it to be a lot of hard work digging in the compacted clay.

Mary and Anna did not want to be left out and asked to be able to work with the rest of us. We had the sweetest fellowship while we worked. We receive quite a few emails from ladies asking how ladies can still be modest while wearing dresses/jumpers. You can tell from the photos that it wasn’t a problem for our girls. I’m delighted that my children are happy to work beside their father and not seeking to go off and waste their time. Working together is such a blessing for all and besides that, we learned a lot in the process.

Steve

Melanie and baby continue to be doing well. Melanie is having more contractions and getting more uncomfortable in general. But, we hear that’s how pregnancies go.

The most recent Dr’s appointment was very positive.

We continue to be blessed with care from my family. Even during the house building project there is always someone at least available and often over here. Recently a deliveryman brought something to the door and was ringing the doorbell. Melanie called across the street and Sarah came running over to receive the package. My mom, with all she has going on, spends time visiting with Melanie, cleaning, tidying, and whatever else needs to be done over here. Mary and Anna are becoming quite skilled Momma/baby-sitters. My grandma sends meals over, is great company for Melanie, and continues to take care of our laundry. We are so grateful for the care we are receiving. It is allowing Melanie to stay down and rest–exactly what she’s supposed to be doing.

Nathan

Spring with the Moodys went to our proofreader today! The proofreader will have it for  three weeks. I then have two weeks to work through the edits and prepare the book for the final format.

The house work is coming along! Last Thursday afternoon, the foundation walls were poured. The whole family was out to watch the exciting event—it was so wonderful to see the house really taking shape. Mary was our little baker last week and supplied the workmen with cookies and brownies.

Today, Dad rented a TracHoe so that we could dig a trench for the sewer and drainage. While Dad, John, and Joseph worked on the trench, Christopher, Anna, Jesse, and Mary waterproofed the outside foundation walls (looks like blue paint!). There is still a lot of work to be done tomorrow; please pray for the guys’ strength and that the job will get done! As soon as our part is done, we’ll turn it over to the contractors who will do the flat work (i.e. basement floor, etc), and then framing the house in. We’ll take it over after that .

Joyfully His,

Sarah

Most of the family watching the pumper lower down!

Ready to watch the action!

John–I think he used a shovel a fair amount today!

Our wonderful Daddy!

Mary and Anna waterproofing the foundation

Jesse and Christopher working together

Joseph — down next to the foundation working!

Honey found a steak bone and was happy to hold onto it. We finally convinced her to “drop it” with dog biscuits….